So you’re thinking of dating a Mormon, eh?  Good choice.  I’m bias, but I find most Mormons are very cheerful people who care about others.

If you’re dating a teenage Mormon, there are quite a few things to know.  First, we’ll talk about the rules, but then we’ll get into the more important things that will help you understand where they are coming from.

Required Mormon Dating Rules

The official Mormon dating rules can be found in For the Strength of Youth, but I’ll do my best to explain them in layman’s terms here.

  • Nope.  If it’s what you’re wondering, no.  Mormons do not have sex before marriage.  Period.
  • No dating before age 16.
  • Date only people who have high moral standards.
  • Date in groups.  You go with one person, and join up with another couple for planned dates.
  • Avoid going on frequent dates with the same person.  This doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with the same person often as friends, but it means if you’re hooked up, you have to be careful about spending too much time together, because it often leads to… well… feeling too comfortable around each other.

That’s Only Half the Story

The “Rules” for Mormon dating are only half of the story.  You can understand those rules and still have no idea what your teenage Mormon friend is thinking.

I want to explain a Mormon belief that is central to our beliefs that is responsible for just about every dating decision we make.

Eternal Marriage.

Eternal marriage means that Mormons believe that if we are married with proper Priesthood authority (in a Mormon temple) then God will honor our marriage not just on earth, but also after we die and are in Heaven.

So the whole point of the rules above are to help Mormons to keep from disobeying God’s commandments about morality and sex, so that when they decide to marry later on in life, they can marry for eternity.

If you understand that, you’ll understand something else, too.  The “rules” mentioned above are just the base guidelines for dating.  They are the bright-line, never-compromise standards.  It’s the minimum acceptable code of conduct.

The Individual Standards for Mormon Dating

Since Mormons strive to meet the goal of eternal marriage, they also make their own individual standards to help them to stay chaste (sexually pure).

The following are some examples.

  • Some Mormons may choose not to kiss anyone while in high school and will wait until they are ready to date seriously in consideration of marriage later on.  Others, will be completely fine with it, but wouldn’t get into any passionate, heavy kissing.
  • Some Mormons may choose not to develop a relationship to the point of calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, but others may see that as acceptable as long as it is kept within certain bounds.
  • Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Knowing Where the Line Is

What’s the best way to know what is okay and what isn’t when dating a Mormon?  Don’t be so weird about it!  If you want to know, then just ask the girl or guy.  It’s not rude.  It shows great respect for their decisions and goals.

One last thing.  If you really care about the Mormon you’d like to date, the easiest and quickest way to understand them at a deeper level is to understand the beliefs that are central to the way they live.  Ask your friend if you can talk with some missionaries, or check out, which has more information than you can shake a stick at.




  1. I recently started going to Mormon Chapel in Preston, uk.

    I hope to be Baptized soon.

    I like one of the Sisters at the chapel and would like to take her to movies on a date. I hope to marry her in the future but a bit shy to ask her on date,due to my slight Aspergers.

    What is best way to ask her,while respecting her beliefs?

    1. It wouldn’t be rude or disrespectful at all to ask out a Mormon on a date–even if you are not a member of the church. Just call her up and ask her if she’d like to go with you. It’s that simple. After reading this blog post, you already know what things to be aware of and how to make sure your actions don’t conflict with her beliefs. It’s wonderful that you too are learning the beliefs that this sister also holds. Good luck to you!

      1. There is this Mormon boy that i really like and i think he likes me but i totally respect that he can’t date until the age of 16 i just feel like his parents or the church won’t except me because i’m christian.

        1. Mormons are very accepting people and you should just go with your gut instinct. It doesn’t matter what religion you are, Mormons accept. I would know. I am one 🙂

          1. I just went to a football game with this girl that is mormon, shes a really nice girl and I’d like to spend time with her again. But she cant date until shes 16, she had told me though that she wants to move out when she turns 18, so idk. We are both 15. Can she still go out with me?

        2. I’m Mormon , and therefore a Christian just like you. Christ is the Center of our religion, so sure, just ask him out if he is over 16

          1. I was recently baptized and now a member of the Latter-day Saints of Jesus Christ, I’ve been searching for the right church and finally found it ! The sisters are amazing ! I’m learning so much and spiritually and mentally happy ! I’m in love with someone who is a Mormon as well , when I’m ready in the future I’ll tell him he lives long distance

        3. Mormons are Christians.
          We believe in Christ as the Son of God, our sheltering savior, and Big brother.
          So even though we are our own denomination, we still belong to Christianity. Our Book of Mormon says “ Another testament of Jesus Christ”.
          We are always accepting of other peoples faiths, and we firmly believe that others “may worship how, where, or what they may.”
          I personally love hearing other peoples beliefs, as it lets me know more about them and their behaviors.
          Give that boy a shot. He sounds like you would have a solid date with him. Don’t forget that we normally like having another couple to make things not to serious.

          Good luck!

        4. Is it bad to date under the age of 16? 13-15 for example, not anything younger then that. Or does it matter on how religious the person is/what their parents think? I am 14 and I have a crush on my classmate, from what I know, he is the same age as me, atleast he is not 16. I know he goes to church and I don’t want to be disrespectful towards him(I am not religious, but not atheist either, ready to take him as he is), so I don’t know if it’s okay for me to like him. He also goes to church from what I got told. Can I do stuff like buy him a candy cane anonymously? I want to ask him out, but if he can’t date till 16, I think I’m ready to wait 2 more years because I really like him.

      2. I really need help. I really like this Mormon girl we’ve been on a movie date before. I’m 15 and she turns 16 in a month, I really respect her beliefs and don’t want to destroy our relationship by telling her that I like her if it goes against y’all’s rules. What do I do?

    2. I wish to date a mormon possibly in the future but I am scared that the mormon church wont accept me as a christian .

          1. The definition of a Christian is “A person who follows and believes in Jesus Christ.” The name of our church is The church of JESUS CHRIST of latter-day saints.

            We believe in Jesus. We seek to follow Jesus. We believe that the only way we can be saved in the kingdom of God is by and through the power of Jesus Christ. That is, by very definition, Christian.

            I’ll never understand why good Christian people would seek to convince others they are NOT believers in Christ. Didn’t Christ spend his entire life doing the exact opposite of that?

            I’ve written about that here.

          2. This is where the fact that labels shouldn’t be used comes in. I’ve been doing so much research on the different religions. And the fact of the matter is when it comes to the religion that involves Jesus Christ God and the Holy Spirit their all the same. Now there are two sides to everything. Truth and lies, Good and evil , religion and relationship. Love and hate. People get so wrapped up in the religion part and it causes diversity and war. But those that are wrapped up in the relationship part of it see the truth and walk in obedience with Christ and Gods will. If you are looking at someone and judging them you are testing waters i my friend would not considering I know my God and God is whom I fear, I listen and judgement is not my shot to call my call is to love God and love people period. I’m so apart from this world it’s like it’s not even my home I’m a alien in my own land. That’s how much my relationship has transformed me. Now I don’t want to seem as if I’m attacking you cause that’s not the point here. The point is that it’s relationship not religion. And a believer with relationship can tell if another believer has a relationship. God wants a relationship. Period now I can say period because this I know comes from God. Be careful what you say that it could come from man and not God. I wish everyone would stop with the labels. I have heard 3 sides of a religion satans man’s and Gods and their all three so different. Be a truth seeker and build your relationship with God. Who cares about labels, people also think oh that person is bad so I’ll stay away from them is that what Jesus Christ did nope he was hanging out with the whores addicts diseased murderers and healing and saving them now aren’t we supposed to be like Christ that is what he hath commanded in the Bible it was one of the last things he spoke of. As it is what he spoke of a lot. Unity from everyone is what God wants.

          3. Why would you think that? The proof would be in the name “Church of Jesus Christ”. We believe in the teachings of Christ, and follow his teachings like any other Christian.

          1. I am a SDA, and the person I’m interested in is Mormon. We are both 17 but we are introverted and shy so it’s awkward. I would really like to get to know him more.

        1. I have a crush on that mormon guy on first sight. He drove me to the church alone and we had great conversations. His mother also welcomes me warmly. We both are 18 and he told me that he’s going on Missionary for 2years! Do I have chances to date him ? bc I’m not sure if he likes me.

      1. There’s one thing people don’t understand about Mormons .Mormon is no t another form of religion ,we are also Christians , followers of Christ ,we follow the teachings of Christ .Also the word Mormon is an Egyptian name which means more blessings more righteousness .Mormon is a prophet ,a historian that abridged the book of Mormon.
        And I testify to you that the church is true ,also that book of Mormon is true ,and I testify unto you that if you feast upon the word of Christ,the word of Christ Will Tell ye all things which ye should do ,this I testify humbly in the name of Jesus Christ.Amen

        1. Wait im a different religion known as Jehovah’s witness and me and my friend who is Mormon like each other, not a lot of people accept my religion but would it be possible to switch my religion when we are older because I doubt he even knows about my religion

    1. @Sarah – I honestly can’t answer that for you. The prophets have given us their advice in the For the Strength of Youth, which is what I refer to in this article. The Church doesn’t want to make your life decisions for you. You take the words they say and the spirit of those commandments and choose what is right for you.

      For me PERSONALLY, I wouldn’t have wanted to have kissed when I was 12. The younger you get too familiar with the other gender, the less a kiss will mean to you later on when you’re ready to choose someone to marry.

      1. I have a crush in the 7th grade but I really like him if it is okay with him and Mormon rules could we date but not push the relationship to far

  2. I happen to have a friend that is Mormon. He also happens so be in a relationship with a girl but have never been on a date. He is thirteen and he calls the girl his girlfriend. Me being Christian I don’t really know much about the specifics of Mormonism, but is him calling her his girlfriend kind of “against the rules”? It’s been bothering me and I wanted to see if it was true.

    1. Hey Christian,

      Thank you for taking the time to learn about our beliefs. That’s cool of you. We believe in following the guidance of our prophet, and that’s what I’ve shared on this page. Everything else is really up to the personal choices of members of our church.

      It’s good for you to encourage your friend to do what is right, but also remember that we are all different and don’t have any business judging each other.

        1. A member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints can date someone from Afghanistan or any other country.

  3. Hi,
    I’m a Mormon youth (16) and on the flipside of who this article is designed for. I am dating this boy, who isn’t a member. I have deep feelings with him but I don’t like how people are treating me when I say I am dating a non-member. I’ve talked with him about WOW, sex and other standards and he respects them, even encourages them. How can I explain that he respects me and is there for me, he just isn’t a member? The worst part is that I’m a convert (as of age 7) so people undermine me for that as well.
    Sorry if this makes no sense

    1. @Clover – Makes perfect sense to me. It sounds to me like you feel confident that you are doing what is right, but that your main concern is how it appears to others. I understand that feeling, but just remember that other people can make their own choices. YOU act for you. Just do what you think is right and ignore the naysayers.

      Read through For the Strength of Youth, pray, study the scriptures, and YOU decide what is right. Follow the prophet and do what’s right and the opinion of others will matter little.

      You also mentioned that you feel that some look down on you. There will ALWAYS be people who look down on you. People who look down on you because you’re a teenager, because you’re a convert, later because you’re young and they are the old person at the firm, because you’re too fat or too skinny or too serious or too goofy. Your religion is about developing a relationship with Heavenly Father and we ALL have our problems–including those who are prideful and look down on you. Just focus on the Savior.

  4. Hi so my friend and me really really like each other ( ive known him since pre-k), he’s Mormon and i am a Methodist. Hes 15 and i am 14(almost 15). we are both very mature . we both want to respect both of our beliefs but, i really would like to make it official bf and gf. I feel bad hanging around him and his friends (who are all Mormon) when i want to be more then just his friend. I feel this way because my last boyfriend felt embarrassed about me being with him. When he says we can only be good friends till hes 15 does that mean that we are in secret or just no your my friend only and we can only talk online.

    1. @Nessa – I’m glad to hear that you and this boy like each other. That’s a fun time of life. It’s also admirable that you are willing to respect his beliefs as he respects yours.

      I understand that you want to “make it official.” If that conflicts with his belief system, do you care enough about him to wait?

      Life is a long journey. This may feel urgent right now to get a boyfriend and make it official, but I’d just encourage you to ENJOY BEING A TEENAGER and not feel it too much of a rush to be in a relationship. Just REALLY HAVE FUN together. Hang out all the time. Be with other people and friends. Once you pair off, others will never treat the two of you the same way when you’re in a room together.

  5. Is there any rule about dating someone younger or older than you as a teen? Like if I am 17 and the girl is 16, is that ok?

      1. What if you are 14 and the girl is 12 just turned 13? I know she can’t date until she’s 16 but could she still hangout? I guess that would kind of depend on how her family feels about it though.

  6. Hello my name is Leo, I am 14 years old (almost 15). I am Christian and I am sort of dating this girl who is Mormon, and she is 13 years old (almost 14) and I understand the whole dating thing you know, like they cant date till they are 16, I get it and I really respect that. In the beginning when we both started to like each other, she told me that she doesn’t like using the word love because she feels like its for the grown ups, and I respected that and later on I was the first boy she ever said I love you to. but we have been dating for 8 months and all but last week she broke up with me, because her parents don’t like me anymore, but I don’t know what I did wrong honestly, I wanted to respect her, her parents rules. before we do things like hugging, holding hands and etc I always ask her is it okay. But I just need help because I really care for this girl and I don’t know what to do honestly, like what can I do to gain her parents trust again? And how would I know if she just wants to be friends or?? cause I’m new to dating a Mormon its like my first time.

    1. Hey Leo,

      You sound like a good guy who really respects this girl. Would you be grown up enough to simply go meet her parents and ask them how you can best respect their wishes for their daughter, and for you to still be able to be close to her?

      If you really respect her, then be brave enough to simply talk to her parents and learn from them how you can navigate the relationship. They have been where you are, and could help you and her to do this right.

  7. Hi Jim,

    First, thanks a lot for your blog. I’ve just found out, that my good friend is a Mormon (22yrs old; unfortunatelly, he’s never talked about it before with me… don’t you know why is he keeping it as a “secret”?), so this really helps me to understand his beliefs.

    I love when you said “You can understand those rules and still have no idea what your teenage Mormon friend is thinking.” I totally found myself in this. How can I recognize what is he really expecting? One day he calls me “bro”, the other day he texts me “sweet dreams” or “good morning” or make a surprise you’d expect only from your real boyfriend. It makes me so confused!! But now, I finally know, what the reason propaply is.

    And also – Can a non-religious person (as me) marry a Mormon? Are there any “problems” connected with that?

    Thank you!

    1. Hi Andy, Yes, a non-Mormon “can” marry a Mormon. We fall in love with people of all religions just as anyone does.

      However, you’ll often find that Mormons marry each other. Why? Because we believe in eternal marriage. We believe that marriages we make on earth will be forever–that our families will be together in heaven as well. However, God requires us to make certain promises to him in order to receive that blessing. Those promises can be made in our temples.

      Mormons, who believe in eternal marriage, want to find a partner who is willing to live by God’s laws and promise to do so in the temple. A Mormon may certainly marry someone who is a non-Mormon, but they will always want that person to prepare to go with them to the temple and become married for eternity.

  8. Hi, I have a question.
    I’m a Mormon guy with a strong testimony, and I will not give up my standards. After 3 years of homeschooling, I get put into grade 9 high school ( I’m 14). I’ve been here for about 2 weeks, and already a year 10 girl likes me and a year 9 girl says she loves me every time we meet. I haven’t told them I’m Mormon and I don’t know what to do or how to reply to that year 9 gal… I’ve prayed and I felt to ask her ” why do you love me? ” I don’t know plz reply. 🙂

    1. Hi!
      I think you should definitely ask… never ignore the promptings of the Holy Ghost 🙂 If she’s serious about you, explain to her how we’re not advised to date until we’re 16, and that you can still be friends with her.

  9. I’m 13 and a Mormon and the boy I like is 16 and I feel like he likes me as well. So if we date is that okay?

    1. @Jessica – The counsel from the prophet is to not date until you are 16. I know it feels like the most important thing in the world right now, but both of you will be a lot better off if you follow the teachings of the prophet.

  10. Hello, i have a question
    my cousin was a christian until she decided to have a seriously relationship with a Mormon boy but now she has converted to being a Mormon like him and she has also been baptised. I’m unfamiliar with this religion and was just wondering if this was normal when the couple is beginning to think of marriage.

    1. @Mia – Thanks for your message and your concern for your cousin. There is no rule or anything that requires Mormons to only date Mormons. However, we believe that families can be together when married with God’s power. For this to happen, the couple must follow God’s commandments to be prepared for making those commitments. One of the preparations for that is baptism–the first promise we make to God.

      So yes, it’s normal for a couple who wants to be married for eternity in the church to begin this process by both of them taking on the promise of baptism.

  11. Hey, I am 15 and I really like this girl who is Mormon, she is also 15 and I realize that there is a rule that she has to wait until she is 16 before she can date. Can you go over the rules just a little bit more for that portion of it? Thank you.

      1. So. . . I have an Inquiry.
        I, 15 yr old female, really like this 15 yr old(turns 16 in 4 months) Mormon guy. He asked for my number a few weeks ago and it’s been going up hill ever since. His older brother, one of my closest friends, found out that we both like each other and told both of us that we both like each other. What makes me feel weird about it all is that even though we both like each other, we don’t really acknowledge it much or talk about it. I 100% respect his religion, and the fact that it is highly discouraged to date until you are of the age of 16. In fact, I feel quite special that he does really like me before he’s 16, especially since it sounds (assuming from what I read above) that Mormons think very long-term when it comes to relationships. I have no problem with waiting until he is 16, or heck, until he is out of high school (he’s a grade above me). What I wish I knew was whether or not he wants to date now, date when he’s 16, or wait a while. I know communication is key but I’m very nervous to talk about it, especially since I don’t want to ruin what we have going on between us. Do you have any advice?

        1. Remember, if you don’t ask him now, you’re never going to ask him. I’ve personally struggled with verbal communication, especially with people I’ve liked in the past, so I understand the nerves and fear you might have about talking to him. I BELIEVE THAT if he is the ONE for you, he will understand your perspective on dating and will tell you how he feels about the whole dating situation. So take a deep breath, swallow your fear, and pop the question* 😀
          *the question can be something in the vein of “so, how do you feel about dating?” or”would you date me if you could?” whenever you find yourselves in one-one conversation.
          And yes, LDS/Mormons do think long-term about relationships, so the fact that you took to time to learn the religion’s policies on dating shows what a thoughtful person you are! No matter what happens, anyone you date in the future will be extremely lucky 😉

  12. Hi, these advices are so helpful. So i have a question. I have a girlfriend. We are in relationship(6months). Can we kissing ???

  13. Hey so I think I love this boy.. And I think he feels the same about me, but we’re both 13. Is it wrong to love someone at this age? Because after reading articles like this they keep saying like “Don’t love someone in your teens.” And “Getting too close with someone is wrong before 20” This got me all confused like, seriously? It’s not like I can control how much someone means to me! He was the only person that made me happy back when I was depressed so yeah, of course I love him for that. But now I’m feeling all guilty about loving him because of this, so I need confirmation, is it wrong that I love someone at age 13?

    1. There certainly isn’t anything wrong with being in love, Rissa. No one is asking you to not love him. However, God’s prophets have asked members of our church to simply delay forming steady dating relationships while in high school.

      You can still love him. You can still be around him. You can still be friends and do things together. But that doesn’t mean you have to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

  14. Hi, i have a question. I am a 19yr old male and in love with this 18yr old girl who is mormon. The thing is, i am not a mormon. I dont have any religious affiliation. From what i read and what she told me, Mormons primary goal is to be sealed inside a temple to be together for eternity. Only problem is, I dont think i can give that to her. I have a meeting with missionaires and maybe they can lead me toward mormonism but i wouldn’t count on it. I love her and she loves me but i dont want to stand in the way of her beliefs and goal to be sealed. Any advice?

  15. Hi..
    I’m 14 and the boy I like is a year and half older than me and is almost 16 (he turns 16 in five months) . He is a Mormon and I honestly don’t know what I believe in. Im very worried I’m going to push boundaries because I barely know anything about the religion. I want to fully respect him and his religion, so what would be “pushing it too far”?

  16. So I like this boy we are both Mormon and we like eachother I’m 14 and he is 13 is it wrong for us to kiss on the check but we decided we would remain friends

  17. I am dating a mormon guy and we are both 15, we just started dating and i am trying to learn more about this religion. What should i do? is it okay to hold hand, kiss on the cheek and maybe kiss?

    1. Hi Kasey, Thank you for being so respectful as to learn about his religion. The best thing you can do is to simply ask him what he is comfortable with.

      Very cool of you to research this.

  18. Hi,
    My “boyfriend” is Mormon and he’s 14 years of age. I’m 13. I know it’s super wrong for him to date at his age, and on top of that, me being a nonmormon, but we really care about each other? I’m just a little bit confused because his parents know as well, and they seem fine with it. We’re kind of, I guess you could call it, exclusive, but I’m wondering if I should stop it here and let him figure out if he wants to continue our relationship or see some other people, or stop dating altogether even though I know that if I told him we should “break-up” he would be really upset. I totally respect his religion, and I do think it’s wrong for us to be dating, but we really just kind of clicked, y’know?
    Thank you!

    1. Kat – That was a very mature comment from you. Thank you for being so respectful of his beliefs. I would encourage you to keep your relationship casual and friendly during high school. It’s wonderful that you care about each other. If that’s true, then I think you may find that just being best friends at your age is likely a better choice for both of you. If you continue really liking each other later on, then you will have shown respect for one another while you’re young that it will create a healthier relationship later on. Studies have shown repeatedly that developing very serious relationships at a young age leads to immorality and a higher temptation for compromising one’s values.

  19. I really like this Mormon boy and i talk to him somewhat often but I’m not sure about how he feels about me even though he’s under age… I want to get closer to him but I’m not sure if that would be weird since he can’t date yet… also I’m not sure if he’s very strict Mormon or more layer back but I’m not sure what to do

  20. Im a Mormon, I’ve recently become really close friends with this boy in my school. He isn’t a member, however he also has very strict morals on being sexually pure. We are both 16 and really like each other and want to make it “official” and “exclusive” but I’ve been hesitant because of the rule that states that you can only double date at my age… Does him also having really strong values change anything?

  21. Hey Jim! This article really helped for me in my current situation. I’m in middle school and a little too young and unexperienced to be dating. But, there is this mormon girl I go to school with who I really like and so I gave her a valentine. She accepted this, and later told me that she was having a hard time talking to me because she liked me too! I was so happy, but I knew she was mormon from asking one of her friends ( who is also morman). I’m trying to figure out what to do and I know these rules that Mormons can’t take till they are 16 and I 100% respect that. However, I’m wondering if I should wait until she is 16 in high school and then start making moves towards her when I’m ready enough to do so? I’m wondering what I should do because I have two high schools that I can go to, and the one I want to will not have her in it. But I’m wondering what I should do because the high school that she will be going to is different and I’m not sure which one I should go to. If I was going to the one that she is going to, I would be going for my friends and her. However, if I was going to the other high school I wouldn’t know anybody, but I am familiar with the school because someone I knew went there. What do I do?

    1. Hi Griffin,

      Thank you for your comment which clearly shows you have a respect for this person’s beliefs. I encourage you to come out of your shell and simply become a close friend with this person who you like, and who likes you back. It’s wonderful that you like each other, but that hardly means you have to turn the relationship serious. Just be great friends while you’re still so young.

  22. I recently bumped into these Mormon missionaries, and one of the Elders and I get along really well.

    My friend is convinced he has a crush on me. As he’ll text me when he’s finished his day or tell me when he can go have dinner so we will meet up and just talk.

    I’m 18, and he’s 19. And he’s fully aware of I’m agnostic. But I’m afraid to like him as I can see his religion is such a big part of his life. He also has 5 months of his mission left so that too is constantly in the back of my mind.

    Should I stop entertaining this friendship or whatever it is?

    1. Missionaries focus on the church and not on romantic relationships. The most respectful thing you could do would be to not encourage any romantic relationship while he is a missionary.

  23. so I want to be open to dating is about to be 14 but I’m Mormon and I LOVE it and I’m just confused because…. okay so the problem is ….. I don’t know if I’m allowed to kiss or go to the movies or dinner etc. without feeling guilty about it, well actually I haven’t really done it but what I’m wondering is this. is it okay to kiss ( not heavily at all) or go out with someone since in under 16?

  24. Hey so I’m 15 almost 16 and I really like this Mormon boy and he’s 16 but I just wanted to know if Mormons can date someone that’s under 16

  25. Hi, i’m not mormon but my bf is. we’ve been secretly dating ever since i was 12 and he’s 13 .. at first 2 years of our relationship i didn’t really know that he’s mormon and i didn’t know about the rules we already shared our first kiss and everything except that (you know what i mean), i just found out when i started sharing him about my religion .. i’m 18 now and he’s 19 and we’re still secretly dating he’s about to go on a mission this coming april…. i know it’s not allowed to date while you’re on a mission but he never asked me to break up with him… should i break up with him so he can be more focus on his calling?
    also we’re in a long distance relationship for a year now because my family decided to migrate in other country..

    1. also he’s my first boyfriend, and i’m his first girlfriend too .. i know we’re both too young when we started dating and still too young about worrying about this kind of things.. but we’re very serious about our relationship

  26. I am 14 years old and mormon and I recently met this 15 year old mormon boy who I feel very strongly for and he feels the same towards me. We have been talking everyday for over 2 months but he is turning 16 soon. I am very nervous that he may begin to date other girls and I would be heartbroken. I am not exactly sure what to do and I am very nervous because he is a year and 1 month older than me so if he did wait for me it would be a very long time. Any advice? Also is it okay to kiss before turning 16?

  27. Hi Jim, I really like this Mormon boy…. He is very nice and funny, but would he maybe still like me even though I’m an atheist? ?

  28. So, I like this guy who’s Mormon. He’s 16 and so am I. But there are two problems I’ve been having so I wanted to ask.
    I’m an atheist so I have no religious affiliation, would that be okay?
    My friends are telling me he and I can’t officially date until his parents set up a formal date for us because it’s a mormon belief. Is this true?

    1. It’s up to him whether he’d date you or not, just talk to him about it and let him know about your concerns, ask him what his thoughts are. His parents don’t have to set up an official date for y’all, you can set up a date or just start dating, but really it comes down to what he’d be comfortable with. I have some friends who are dating but never went on an “official date” so that’s up to y’all. Hope this helped 🙂

  29. Hi! I know this can be a bit of an awkward question. But I’m an LDS girl (16) and I’ve always wondered if it’s a sin to date/eventually marry a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th cousin. I’ve heard that it would depend on the state. I’m also worried that my parents would think badly of me for even asking a question like this. Do you know a bit more about how this works? And any advice about my parents?

    1. Hi Katherine, I would just open up about this with your parents. You are right that state laws differ on this topic, so it may depend. However, most people have no idea who their 3rd and fourth cousins are, so there’s a good chance someone that distant wouldn’t be an issue.

  30. Hey, my name is John. Im 13 years old and an atheist (sorry). I have quite a few friends who are Mormon, but I could never quite understand the dating rules. After reading through the comments, I’m starting to think that its up to the individual members although dating is frowned upon before 16. Care to confirm anything? Thanks

    1. I will confirm that it is up to the individual to be obedient to any of the principles or laws. Agency is very important to what we believe in, we can’t force anyone to follow anything. It is up to the individual to decide whether they trust God enough to make good decisions.

  31. Okay.

    I’m a newly converted member of the church, and I have a question regarding dating Mormons.

    So there’s a sister at the church which I attend. I really like her, but I’m afraid that my lack of knowledge about Mormon dating customs will ruin any chance of us being happy together. What are some big “NoNo’s” when it comes to dating a Mormon, compared with dating someone who isn’t a Mormon?

  32. Okay. So I’m a newly converted member of the LDS Church. I like this girl who has been a member of the Church since birth. I’m a little nervous about asking her out as I’m afraid that I’m going to do something wrong that will put her off while on the date. What kind of advice do you have regarding what is considered acceptable behaviour on a date. (I know about the Law of Chastity and stuff but I’m a bit fuzzy on the specifics of what IS appropriate.)

  33. I’m a Mormon and I really like this girl who is a non-member and she likes me. I have a lot of fun talking to her and hanging out, but she told her friend she wanted me to do more, like actually date her seriously. I was talking to her friend about how I should approach this since I don’t want to be in a serious relationship before my mission, and unfortunately she told the girl I liked, who immediately told me she would back off and didn’t want to “ruin my mission or interfere with my religion.”

    I tried to explain how we feel about dating and that we can still date and have fun, just not seriosuly, but to her this seemed like we just try to hide relationships, especially when being allowed to kiss got brought up, yet we’re still supposed to date multiple people, not just one. I really liked her and now she is ignoring me and I’m even more confused. Is it ok to like one person before a mission if you’re not like ignoring other friends or girls? When is it ever ok to kiss a girl if you’re not supposed to be in a serious relationship? If I follow the law of chastity completly can try to make the dates more about having fun, are single dates and more serious dating allowed?

    Honestly this is making me want to date even less because rn it feels like a chore and that everyone is expecting me to go on dates with every single girl in are stake and never actually like anyone. Just be a gentleman and make everyone feel good no matter how weird or hard to be around or the girl is and how unenjoyable the date would be for me. I’ve asked my parents but they don’t know the answer, especially since they both had “boyfriends” or “girlfriends” during their high school years. I’m just trying to do the right thing but I feel like I’ve really messed up and ruined my relationship with this girl who’s already been through a lot. I need help.

    1. Colby, thank you for your message. I am really impressed by your faith and positive attitude about this situation–even if it is perplexing. I recall having many of the same questions as a teenager.

      Here is a relevant portion of the standard from For the Strength of Youth: “You should not date until you are at least 16 years old. When you begin dating, go with one or more additional couples. Avoid going on frequent dates with the same person. Developing serious relationships too early in life can limit the number of other people you meet and can perhaps lead to immorality. Invite your parents to become acquainted with those you date.”

      It seems to me that the standard is far more aimed toward an objective than a specific set of do’s and don’ts. Each of the specific standards such as not dating before 16 are important. Once you’ve followed those, then it is time for you to receive revelation on how to apply the objectives for yourself.

      Your question seems to be how you could have a girl like you, and you like her, and possibly even have a relationship and kiss, while not running afoul of the Lord’s commandment. I don’t see a clear answer to your question.

      Generally, when I don’t see a specific answer to a question about a commandment, I feel that the answer is that the Lord wants us to receive personal revelation. Have you inquired of the Lord? Have you taken advantage of fasting? Have you gone to the Lord’s House to ask Him?

      I admire your faith. The Lord will help you to know what is right.

  34. One of my best friends is a Mormon and we have dated for three months but a month ago we chose to end it because of the rule of dating at 16, we are both 15. We are still friends and close and everything but the other day he tried to kiss me, should I ask him what’s going on, or should I leave it be he has done this three times, should I be worried? I go to church with either him or my other friends who are Mormon I just don’t understand why he says he can’t do or say certain things then he does them.Last thing should I be embarrassed to go near his family or anything because I know his mom hates and likes me I just get scared.

    1. Hi Kali. I can see why this would be a confusing situation for you. I think you may do best by simply telling him that you want to support him in his beliefs but are unsure of what you should do.

    1. Then you just gotta keep living life and maybe you guys will end up seeing each other again but talk to the parents of the Mormon kid it’s the best idea

    2. I can understand why this may seem harsh or difficult. I do not know the individual circumstances you are in, but I will say that honoring a righteous father and mother is an important commandment.

  35. Hi. I really like this boy who is Mormon. I like him more than I have ever liked anyone. We are both 17 and I am a non-member. We both admitted we liked each other a while ago and have just been talking since. I don’t mind going on dates with groups or just talking but although I know I’m okay with it now I know later on I will want a relationship. Should I just tell him that we should just stay friends? I feel torn because I like him a lot but I know he can’t be involved in any serious relationships until after his mission.

    1. Okay so is that his parents rules that he can’t date till after his mission? Because most of the men when they get back they go to colleg and get married at a young age to start families and most of them start to date at the age 16 so talk to him and his family beliefs

  36. I like this boy who is Mormon. I don’t really know much about him but I would like to ask him on a date. He is 16 and I am 15. I don’t know if it is right for me to do that since I don’t really know what the Mormon rules are on gay couples. Are Mormon boys allowed to date other boys that are younger than them?

    1. i like this amazing mormon but im christen and i wanted to know about marrege rules and if your able to be both religiouns

  37. So I’m a 16 year old girl and my family doesn’t have any religious ties so I guess we identify as atheist. I’ve known and liked this guy (16 as well) at my school for years and turns out he like me too! It is not until recently after a conversation in class I found out he was Mormon. I personally have no problem with it but I would be lying if I said that it didn’t change anything at all. There is a small Mormon population at our school that act very differently from each other values-wise. Some of them say they won’t ever date anyone other than a Mormon some will date Christians and some will even date atheists. I guess what I’m asking is. What is the Mormon outlook on atheists and can a relationship between us workout with such contrasting religious beliefs?

    1. I’m a 17 year old Mormon (boy) and it really depends tbh. A long term relationship where you guys are like wanting get married… it would definitely be a big issue. But for a high school relationship I don’t think its a big deal at all. I’ve gone on many dates with nonmembers who weren’t religious and it was always fun, but I know some members who only date other Mormons. It sounds like he isn’t like that though so I’m sure it could work out and be good for both of you 🙂 gl

  38. So I’m a 14 year old LDS girl and I’ve always been told that you’re supposed to wait till you’re 16 to start dating, but recently I’ve been getting mixed messages because some of my LDS friends who are the same age as me have been dating. So my question is, when are you actually allowed to start dating in the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints?

    1. The church’s official guidelines still suggest waiting until you’re at least 16 to date. These guidelines can be found in the pamphlet called “For the Strength of Youth” on the church website.

      I’ve found that following the prophet’s council always leads to blessings. But I’ve also learned that I’m not in a position to make judgements about people who don’t appear to be following the same council. Just don’t let peer pressure cause you do something you don’t want to do.

      At 14 I was hanging out with an awesome group of boys and girls. We didn’t go on dates, but we still had a ton of fun getting used to being around each other and getting to know each other. It was tons of fun!

  39. No one should be seriously thinking about marriage when they are 16. Date to have fun!! Y’all need to chill about dating. Also the church doesn’t have many specific rules when it comes to dating. Besides the law of chastity and stuff, the church doesn’t have explicit rules but guidelines they suggest the youth to follow. Follow whatever white man you choose to listen to, but at the end of the day go with whatever you believe to be true and follow the standards you set for yourself.

  40. Hi everyone i am a Member of the church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter- Day Saints
    If you have any questions you are free to ask….I will be pleased to help…
    By the way i am 14 years old.

    1. I need a little help!
      I really like this guy who goes to my school. I’m 14, so I’m not sure if he’s comfortable dating yet. I’ve been his friend for 3 years. We’ve professed feelings for each other several times but nothing has ever come out of it. I never even knew he was a Mormon until recently when I considered BYU as a college for me for our college class. He asked me if I was a Mormon too. I’m a catholic and always have been.
      I’m a bit worried.
      I told my mother about my consideration of BYU, and she freaked out, talking about how I could never marry a Mormon because of the whole many wives thing. She didn’t mean to be offensive but I think she just didn’t know what she was talking about. However, I’m now aware that few people actually practice this and if he did then that would be a no-go anyways.
      I’ve seen no clues of his family practicing that, but I know he cares about his religion. My mom always told me to find someone to go to church with me like my dad never did, but I don’t think it would matter as much to me. I’d respect him if he respected me like he already does.
      I would marry this boy.
      It sounds dumb because I am so young but I would.
      I just have some questions.
      Would he date me now or wait for me since we both like eachother ?
      What would the limits be if we did? (I’d never do anything sexual but I’d still like to know)
      Do you think my religion would be a problem with his family?
      And assuming he can’t date until we are 16, should I really wait for him? Or would it be better to find someone of my religion?

  41. There is this girl i really like and im so confused on this religion, Im Christian and i understand the rules of Mormon, why cant we spend a lot of time together?

  42. Hi everyone I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints.
    I am well pleased with those answers to the questions I believe they’re helpful.

  43. I am a member of the church and have just entered the dating world at this wonderful age of 16 heh. I wanted to ask about something I never thought I would have to worry about. I am currently dating a non-member. He’s wonderful and there are no issues, my concern is that I shouldn’t spend too much time with one person as mentioned. How do I explain that I could be asked out by other young men and I don’t have an obligation to say no, and in my case, I probably should say yes so I can expand the people I spend time with, romantically or not. I do not want to disrespect him or make him feel as if I’m cheating or don’t like him. How do I properly have this conversation and make sure it makes sense to a non-member.

    1. Thank you for your sincere question, Ly. I wonder if the answer to your question is simple. You asked HOW to have that conversation. I think you just need to say exactly what you just said in this comment. Have faith and the Lord will provide a way.

  44. So can Mormons be in same sex relationships? I really like this Mormon girl and want to be in a serious relationship with her, but I’m a girl and I don’t want to ask her and she be unable to do so and make it awkward between the two of us. We both are 18, but I also want to respect her religion.

  45. Hello, I really like this guy and he is a Mormon he is almost 15 and I am almost 14. I practice witchcraft, and we both like each other. I just don’t want to get in the way of his religious beliefs because he feels somewhat strongly about them and I am also very passionate about mine. I’m afraid that his parents won’t like me because of my eccentric beliefs.

  46. Hi, I’m Zac and I really like this girl who likes me back. I’m a Christian and she is a Mormon but I don’t really believe that Joseph smith was correct because in the Bible it says that even if angels come to you proclaiming anything else than the Bible to not believe them. Plz explain to me

    1. Hi Zac. We don’t believe an angel came to Joseph Smith and proclaimed anything at odds with the Bible. We read the Bible constantly and believe it is the word of God.

  47. Hey, I went to a youth conference trip with our youth, and just got back last night, while on the trip i realized i developed feelings for a young man, however he isnt a member yet but wants to be, im a member of 6 years… im not 16 im only 14 and he is only 15 but we hold hands and hug and stuff is this okay?? Bishop knows about it…

  48. Hi so I have this friend and we like each other. He’s just turned 16 and I’ll be turning 16 in a month. I asked him out and I didn’t know that he was a follower of LDS. He just told me and I have no idea if they date to marry or what. I’m trying to learn more about it but it’s presenting to be quite hard. I’m also gray sexual so im not worried about the sex part. I’m aso worried that he might be homophobic because I’m pansexual. I also don’t agree with certain views that I’ve read because I find them a bit sexist and I do t know if that would affect our relationship. I really like him but I don’t know what to do.

  49. Mr. Harmer

    Is there a way that we can talk off of this blog, like through personal e-mail messaging? I have something I need to talk about that I feel is too personal to share on this blog and has a lot to do with the subject matter of this particular article that you wrote about dating and Mormons. Thanks in advance if you can do this.

  50. Mr. Harmer

    I sent you a couple of test e-mail messages, but so far, haven’t received a response. I am still working on the note that I am writing to you. It will take some time, but I will send it when I am finished with it. Thanks again.

  51. I sent my message to you just now. Please be on the lookout for it. It will have the subject “What I Need To Talk About With You”. I look forward to reading your reply to my message.

  52. Have you checked your SPAM mail box yet? If my message isn’t in there, I will simply resend it at your request. Thanks.

  53. Again, Have you checked your SPAM mailbox yet? If my message isn’t in there, I will simply resend it. Please check. Thanks.

  54. I’m dating a guy age 15 whose parents are Mormon and expect him to follow as well, he deosnt follow that path but he still gets forced to, I want to have consensual relations with him but his parents won’t let him go anywhere. If I wait till he’s 16 will they be more accepting and let him go out with me?

    1. Jesus Christ taught very clearly that sexual relations are only permitted to husband and wife lawfully married. You will bring great sadness to your life if you don’t follow that commandment.

  55. I think I like my friend who is Mormon. If I did decide to tell him and a “relationship” comes from it, would it matter that I’m atheist and a year younger? The article sounded like they date to marry, but it’s really early to be thinking about that for me, would it still be okay to date him? I’m also bi, do Mormons support that? I don’t want sexual relations, but is kissing out of the picture too?

    1. Depending on the person, you being atheist shouldn’t be a big deal, he shouldn’t be worried about marrying any time soon. As for your age, most guys accept the formula that you should be at least half his age+7. So if he’s 16 and you’re 15, it’s probably fine. As far as being bi, it depends on the person again, I would think it’s ok as long as you like him, and as for kissing, he might not want to till he’s 18 or so, it really depends on what he’s ok with. You could ask him, to be sure.

  56. Hi,

    I’ve been reading up on dating a mormon/talking to mormons, because a guy (17) I’m talking to is Mormon and I wanted to learn more about his religion. I’m Jewish, and I guess I’m just wondering if that would or could affect our relationship at all? I like him, and I think he might like me (I’m not very good at reading people haha) but I was just wondering if my religion might be a deterrent?

    1. It’s fine for you guys to date (as long as you don’t do anything immoral) However, if you ever plan to get married, us members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints believe in getting married in the temple so we can be with our spouse eternally. You won’t be able to marry him in the temple if you don’t have a temple recommend (and you have to be a member of our church to have that recommend)

  57. My son , age 12, is currently “dating” a girl I have a strong feeling is Mormon. She, too, is 12… she lives in another state however they will spend nights with eachother on the phone, both usually falling asleep. I’m just now looking into this and now know that she’s not supposed to date until she’s 16… which is likely why she hasn’t told her parents about her and my son yet…so I do have a question : when it’s her birthday, would it be wrong of a boy who is a friend to send flowers to a Mormon girl who is under the age of 16? If he were to sign the card “happy birthday, from so and so”? He wants to send her flowers, just don’t want to get her in trouble. Btw, YES they met online, YES I have personally spoken to her on FaceTime face to face and YES, she’s a 12 year old girl- no they’ve never met IRL. Yes, they say they love eachother… yes, I’m fine with the entire situation… even better that my sons first gf isn’t IRL lol.

    1. If it were my daughter, I’d be wary about her conversing with someone online a lot, but I wouldn’t be offended by someone sending her flowers. I think it’d be a kind gesture.

  58. I’m 16 and I really like this 17 year old guy I’m in a musical with. He’s Mormon and I completely respect that. I don’t know how to tell him that I like him, because I don’t think he likes me back and I don’t wanna ruin the friendship we have. What do I do? How to I ignore these feelings?

  59. I’ve been reading all the posts; I love the honesty and all answers are respectful. I had a crush on a 21 years old Mormon boy, but I am from China. And I am older than him. I visited his hometown and met his family and some friends, they are all Mormon, they are very nice and friendly. I am learning and growing in his religion and maybe one day I will join with him. But I am wondering if his community/family/friends will think him differently if they find out he dates me.
    We like each other, but we also understand that we are so different in every aspect of our lives… please tell me your thoughts, and be gentle with me 🙂 Should we better be friends, or should we be honest to our feelings and work towards it?
    Thank you.

  60. I’m a father and I use to be a promiscuous young guy. I’m also Jewish .
    So here is my take .
    Doesnt matter how old your are its really about maturity. I would advise you to not date if you have self confidence issues or if you have a bad self image.
    The idea of dating is to really understand who you are , it’s a mirror where you can eventually see yourself and possibly your future.
    Abstract religion from this topic and say to yourself would you be ashamed of yourself if your older self had to give an account of this behavior. .. Consider that your actions has repercussions.
    So do these 3 things. Exercise or have a something you do for your self daily , socialize with other single people and learn what you want in a person and what youre willing to give .

    I apologize, don’t know what anything celestial marriage or other stuff like that. I like to read morman topics because I like a good laugh, is it wrong to laugh?

    I hope you all find someone worth your love. I have and she is my best friend and my wife ! Shalom!

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